Kelly Kinkaid

Last month I became a parent of a brand new baby teen. With the birth of my new baby teen came the “my mom doesn’t know the least thing about anything…especially money” attitude, and so rather than trying to teach my teen directly about managing his money only through me, I decided to bring in the weapon of the world wide web to help me out. Unfortunately what I’ve discovered is that although there is some great advice out there for teens about money for which I’ll save for a future post, there is some really horrible advice out there as well. Here is some of the worst advice about teaching teens about money on the web.

Kids and Money: The First Four Pieces of the Worst Advice for Teens

1. “Save for your retirement now.”

One of the first lessons I recommend when it comes to kids and money is teaching them how to save. Everyone should learn the minute they get their first dime how to save a little bit of it. But there are various items that a teen should be saving for before they begin thinking about their retirement such as a car, an emergency fund, and college. Telling a 13 to 19 year old to jump onto the retirement savings program before they have a basic understanding of how to save is pretty irresponsible. However, if you have a teen that already is prepped for their car, emergencies, and college…then go ahead and have them start saving for their retirement. After all, compound interest is a magical thing. Odds are, however, that most of your teens have a hard enough time as it is with the concept of not being 100% on their parent’s dime let alone compound interest. Why take them to step Z before they have mastered steps A through Y first?

2. “Don’t Move Out.”

I read this quote, read it to a few parents who were in the room with me, and we all started laughing hysterically. Here’s why. When you first have your babies and for quite a long while after that you can’t imagine a day where you wouldn’t want your kids with you all of the time. They’re cute. They say funny things. They’re super cuddly. However, if you’ve done job right as a parent, there will come a time when your child doesn’t need so much of you any more. At that point saying to them, “Don’t move out” will seem odd. You want them to move out. You want them to move out, become successful adults, become financially independent, and eventually, after “college, marriage, and a good start in their careers” as my daughter says, they can have kids of their own that they can’t imagine ever moving out.

3. “Get a credit card and learn to use it.”

As a friend of mine said to me recently, “you’re killing me, smalls” and that quote applies here. You’re killing me, smalls.

There is a point at which teaching a kid to use a credit card is important. However, to start with “give a kid a credit card,” and then letting them run with it? Oh my. That makes my brain hurt.

Instead let’s start by teaching them one of the most important lessons for kids, learning to manage their cash. Then let’s have them open a bank account. After they have learned to manage both, then let them get a debit card. Once they have mastered the debit card, then and only then let them get a credit card. But understand this–most teens will have to have a co-signer for their credit card until they are 21 years old. And do you want your teen on your credit messing up your credit rating? I don’t.

4. “Follow your parents.”

When I hear the advice “follow your parents” I know many people will interpret that advice as follow in your parents’ footsteps. And although there are some parents out there who really understand money and how to manage it well, there are far more parents out there with emotional baggage and hangups about money. Needless to say this piece of advice causes me to go to the “Danger, Will Robinson” place.

Instead why doesn’t the writer say, “Part of becoming a fully formed adult requires some observation of your parents and how they handle their money, taking in the good stuff and throwing away the bad. Also keep in mind that what your parents did with their finances may not be relevant to the way you handle money as laws and circumstances change dramatically over time.”

My 2 Favorite Pieces of the Worst Teaching Teens About Money Advice on the Web

aka #5 and #6

Sometimes I read something on the web about kids and money, and I wonder if the writer just threw up their hands and said, “I don’t know. This sounds good. Lets try it, throw it under the kids and money category, and see what happens. After all, I don’t actually want to have to do any real research about kids and money and come up with some good solid advice in regards to teaching teens about money.” The final two tidbits of advice I discovered in teaching teens to manage their money falls into this category.

5. Don’t rush into marriage.
6. Hold off a while before having kids.

Now before you jump all over me and say, “OK now Kelly K. I don’t want my kids rushing into marriage and having babies as teenagers,” let me just add. Neither do I. However, this is a post about whether or not certain tidbits of advice should be added to a post that has a description of “teaching teens about money” or “teaching kids about money.”  And there is a whole host of other, very practical and very tangible advice out there to help teenage kids learn to manage their money wisely. But suggesting to them the obvious, don’t get married to young or don’t have babies too young? Come on. Is that the best you have? Maybe it is. And that is pretty sad.

What other bad advice have you received about teaching your kids or teens about money? I’d love to hear other knowledge filled tidbits.

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Does it get any better than this?

At least once a week writers and other social media professionals in my professional groups on Facebook have a discussion about how much is too much to expose about yourself on various social media sites. I think it is an especially important topic these days as more and more brands and possible employers are actively using social media sites to research possible employees.

This week already I had my own internal personal debate about how much information was too much information to share. I spent half a day crafting a very personal blog post. In the post I talked about the reasons why I do certain things the way I do. But 12 hours before the post went live I decided to take this post back to draft to spend some time thinking about whether I should publish it.

You see I had a moral dilemma. Because the post was so personal, I truly wanted to delve deeply into some issues. I know as an avid reader it is obvious when a writer is being guarded or disingenuous and for me it was impossible not to include and discuss experiences that I had had that had brought me to where I am today. And of course those experiences include other people.

And here is the rub in writing personal pieces. You always end up with this decision. Do you write honestly and take the risk of hurting another person and deal with the wrath that will follow after talking about that person? Or do you edit yourself to the point that you hate what you’ve written and hate yourself for not having the courage to write your truth?

This dilemma doesn’t just happen to writers, bloggers or social media professionals.

This past weekend I watched some drama unfold on another social media site, Facebook. Someone who I honestly barely know posted an inflammatory statement about an entire group of people that shocked many. Several people’s feelings were very hurt by the statement and I think they were also upset at the fact that they were disappointed in themselves for not knowing this person better. The unedited inflammatory statement posted on Facebook and the hurt feelings resulted in a lot of conflict.

Now granted few of the people involved work professionally in social media, and it was only a simple comment to a Facebook post that caused the drama. But for some reason it did cause me to pause and think about professionalism in the Social Media world, and about how I represent myself on all of the social media sites that I participate in for work.

There was a lesson to be learned from taking down my post and from witnessing the drama on Facebook this past weekend.

What we as social media professionals type publicly matters. It not only matters to the brands that we represent or are looking to represent, but it also matters on a personal level. What we as people who are members of society say publicly matters. At some point as humans who are part of a greater collective we have to make a decision that I had to make with the blog post that I was debating publishing.

Do you speak your truth publicly on social media sites to the detriment of those around you, even if you believe with every fiber of your being that you are right?

Or

Are you sensitive to the world around you and make the decision to edit yourself on those social media sites to the detriment of yourself?

What do you think?

Everybody makes financial mistakes. It’s just human nature. Even the financial experts out in the world make mistakes. Half of them in fact are now financial experts because of their need to fix their own financial mistakes. I’ve made plenty myself, the worst probably being the time in my 20′s in which I signed up to sell cosmetics for a company I knew nothing about. However, with this post what I hope to do is to point out some of the worst financial mistakes that you can make through your life so that you can hopefully avoid them.

Some of The Worst Financial Mistake At Age…

20-29: Not making any financial decisions at all.

Most 20 year olds are not thinking much about their financial futures. They are usually on their own financially for the first time. The last thing they are planning for is next week let alone retirement. This is a tremendous mistake. But rather than getting overwhelmed by jumping straight into retirement planning start first by tracking your expenses so that you know exactly where your money is going. After you do that you might be surprised about some decisions that you are making and saving money might begin naturally after you decide to cut out the waste.

30-39: Still being an impulse shopper.

If you are still an impulse shopper when it comes to most things odds are that you don’t know exactly where your money is going. And if you don’t know that, then odds are you also don’t have a financial plan that includes an emergency fund, college funds for your kids, a retirement fund, etc. Why is this important that you at least have these things set up now? It’s a financial phrase called Compound Interest.

What is Compound Interest? To put it simply it works like this. Let’s say you save $100 in a place that gives you 5% interest. At the end of the year you end up with $105. And here is where your interest compounds. The next year’s interest is made off of last year’s total not your initial investment. So instead of ending up with $110 after year two, you in fact end up with  $110.25. This doesn’t sound like a big difference, but it adds up over time.

At age 65 your $100 investment made when you were 30 would be worth $551.60.
If instead you put it in at 40? $338.64
50? $207.89
60? $127.63.

Understand now why now it is important that you have your retirement and other savings plans started?

40-49: Not saving enough money or putting it towards the wrong places.

For most your 40′s and 50′s are when you hit your peak earnings and you are thinking about retirement. You should be socking as much money away as possible, maximizing your retirement fund contributions. If you think about your financial history as a race, you are in the last quarter of your race and you need to amp it up, leaving nothing behind when you cross that finish line.

Unfortunately this might also be the time in which you are thinking about your kid who is  heading off to college or older kids want to move back home or older kids who want to borrow money.  Think very carefully about these decisions as taking away from your retirement to fund your kids, providing that you have to make that choice as you don’t have enough for both, can be a critical mistake that could cause you to have to push your retirement out to a much later date which is not always possible in today’s job market.

50-59: Taking too many financial risks.

By this age many people are well aware that retirement is looming. But now is not the time to jump on the risk boat with your money. Don’t invest in a new 30-year mortgage, don’t take on a new big debt or create large debt, and start moving your money out of riskier investments. There just simply isn’t time to make up for what could happen if your risky investment goes bad.

60-Retirement: Not having a plan for retirement.

There are a lot of factors to consider when thinking about retirement. Here are a few as outlined in Liz Weston’s Money in your 60′s: 12 Steps to Take:

• What is the estimate of your social security benefits based on your expected retirement date?
• Will your benefits reduce if you take early retirement?
• Where are you going to live? Will you still have a mortgage?
• Will you still be in debt?
• Do you need long-term-care insurance?
• When do you get long-term-care insurance? Between 60-65 when the rates are low? Or between 65-70 when the rates are higher?

Not having a plan to answer these questions and others can cause you to make some mistakes that can negatively and irreparably damage your life in retirement. Take the time to answer these questions before retiring.

This article was written in participation of Women’s Money Week. Check out all of the other wonderful writers that are exploring this topic.

Everyone who has children knows that kids cost money. The question is, how much money do they cost? My quick answer is a lot, but there are many, many easy ways to save money with kids so that they don’t have to break you financially.

But first lets check out some numbers derived using the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s 2010 Annual Report, “Expenditures on Children by Families.“ On Baby Center.com there is a really useful calculator that uses that report to help you determine how much each of your children will cost you from birth to 18 years old. I decided to plug in my information to see how much my children would cost me over the years. The range for both of my kids was from $231,170 per child if I sent them to a 4 year college to $152,790 if I chose not to pay for college. That’s a lot isn’t it?

Here was what they projected me to spend per child in 2012.

It’s kind of shocking when you look at it in total isn’t it? But there are ways in which you can save money easily to bring these costs down.

10 Easy Ways to Save Money With Kids

1. Discover the Library.
One of my kids is a voracious reader and the other is not. But even if your child is not interested in books which everyone knows you can get for free from the library either through your Kindle, your iPad, or the old-fashioned way of check out a paper book, there are many other options at your public library. You can check out movies and music. And many public libraries have free activities and programs for all ages from story time for toddlers and learning how to use the internet time for tweens and teens. Contact your public library for a variety of free activities.

2. Use a pay as you go mobile phone or a child-friendly service like Kajeet.
When my son asked for a cell phone I discovered through research that simply adding him to my mobile phone plan would actually cost me more money than if I had him use a pay as you go plan or Kajeet (we went with Kajeet…read about it in Cell Phones for Kids).

3. Use recyclable water bottles for activities.
My kids are heavy into outdoor activities, and every coach we’ve had has required that the kids bring water to practice. Using a re-usable water bottle is considerably cheaper than buying water by the bottle. It is also better for the environment.

4. Buy in Bulk and Pack Your Own Snack Packs.
Although the snack packs from the grocery stores are convenient, it is always cheaper to buy a giant bag of pretzels, for example, and create your own snack packs for your kids.

5. Set up a Uniform Exchange.
Whether your kids are in activities or in private schools you at some point will have to buy them some sort of uniform. And as kids do, they grow out of their uniforms. So what do you do with the old uniform? Set up a uniform exchange either through your school or activity. I know many parents would be grateful to buy or exchange uniforms to save money.

6. Sell Your Kids Clothes.
So how many times have you bought your kids new jeans and seemingly over night they have grown out of them? Too many to count? Probably so. Package up those barely used clothes and hit the resale shops. You’ll enjoy the money you make.

7. Buy Clothes From a Resale Shop
You know by now from selling your clothes to a resale shop that some of them are barely worn. Take advantage of this knowledge and hit the resale shops yourself for bargains on children’s clothing from other sellers.

8. Only let your kids ride in one of your family cars and drive that family car into the ground.
Look. Those of you with children know that children destroy the insides of your car whether it’s a brand new luxury model or a super bargain basement older car. So while they’re in the trashing your car phase invest in a family car and drive it until it just won’t go any more or whenever the kids get past the destructive stage, which ever comes first. If you want to take it one step further, and you are a two car family, designate one car the “kid car” and the other the “kid free car.” That way you have at least one car that is not trashed on the inside, perfect for date night.

9. Join the YMCA rather than using a more expensive gym membership.
In my area the YMCA has really made strides in improving their workout areas and classes. And did you know that if you have a family membership to the YMCA that you do not have to pay the activity fees for YMCA sponsored sports such as basketball, cheerleading, swimming lessons, etc.? This can add up to be quite a savings over the years, plus you as an adult have a great place to work out while your kids are enjoying swimming or whatever at the Y.

10. Avoid Buying School Supplies During the Rush.
You can always tell when school is about to re-open from the summer break. The stores create aisles of school supplies, and you can see the bleary eyed parents walking these aisles with purpose, the school supply list in one hand and a giant cart in another. Avoid shopping for school supplies this time of year. Instead wait until after school has started to get the best bargains for your children and use this year’s list to prepare for next year.  (For more information about how to save money school supply shopping check out Frugal School Supply Shopping.)

10 Easy Ways to Save Money is a new series on Kellyology. What areas of spending would you like to learn about 10 easy ways to save money?  Leave a comment or send me a message. I’m looking forward to seeing how you can challenge me to help you save money!

This article was written in participation of Women’s Money Week. Check out all of the other wonderful writers that are exploring this topic.

My parents got married in 1967. During the first few years of their marriage my mother was the primary provider and put her husband through engineering school on a nurse’s salary. She became pregnant with me my dad’s last year of school, and rather than continuing to work while I was a baby, she and my father planned ahead and saved months worth of income so that they could survive my Dad’s last semester at school with my mom being unemployed (there was no maternity leave in those days). And despite the fact that my mother was this rock star provider and saver when they went to buy their first car as a married couple, a giant boat of a station wagon, my mom could not get credit in her name. The car had to be financed via my unemployed college student of a father.

Think about that. In the late 60’s and early 70’s a gainfully employed woman with huge savings was considered more of a credit risk than a male unemployed college student. It seems unbelievable these days. And although we have made huge strides since that time, we still have a long way to go as many women still feel uncomfortable with their relationship with money.

photo credit: 401K

If you are one of those women uncomfortable with your relationship with money here are 5 steps to get you on your way.

5 Steps For Women to Overcome Their Fear of Money

1. Educate yourself about money.

All marriages eventually, either through death or divorce, end. And because of longer life expectancies in most cases it is the woman who is left behind to handle their family’s finances. So make a point to educate yourself about your family’s money. Keep track of bank statements, insurance policies, trust documents, etc. Make copies of all of your important financial documents and keep them in a safe place.

**Tip: In my house my husband is a C.P.A., and it was a natural fit for him to be in charge of bill paying, tax preparation, etc. But rather than living in the dark, I had him make a spreadsheet of all accounts, account numbers, account passwords, etc. should I ever feel the need to look at things or if I ever need to start taking care of things in an emergency. Be sure to keep such a document locked up and/or hidden as a safety measure.

2. Learn to think about long-term investing.

Although women by nature tend to be super involved with the day-to-day management of money, they generally do not think about long-term investing. However, waiting for that dream boat of a man to sweep in and start taking care of the long-term planning for you can be a critical mistake when it comes to planning for later in life. Don’t wait to buy your first home, max out the match in your 401K at work, etc.

3. Don’t be afraid to make the big money decisions or to contribute your opinion when it comes to your family’s finances.

The fact of the matter is that although we have come a long way, women still make less money than their male counter parts. This causes some women to think that less money means that their opinions are less important. However, women live longer and need to plan for their future financial lives as single women. Also, women are more likely to be in charge of managing their day-to-day household budgets. Because of these two things women must be as equally vested in their family’s financial decisions as their male counterparts. Don’t be afraid to offer your opinion and insist upon being part of the decision-making process when it comes to your and your family’s money.

4. Value your opinions and skills in the work place.

Women, especially blogging women it seems, are known for giving away knowledge, skills and work for free or less money. Don’t underestimate the value of what you bring to the work place and don’t be afraid to be assertive, demanding from your employers or clients what you are worth. When looking at salary estimators online, they don’t differentiate salary estimates between men and women. Why should you?

5. Ask for Help and Get Support.

No one starts out understanding money or feeling completely confident about their money initially. It’s a learning process that takes time and effort. While you are learning use financial websites and communities such as Mint.com, Wesabe.com and Geezeo.com to track your spending, how much you are saving, etc. Keep track of your credit report scores from sites such as AnnualCreditReport.com or CreditKarma.com. Look at other financial blogs such as Wise Bread, a site that has it’s own great information but also has an excellent listing of the Top Personal Finance Blogs on the net for more the day-to-day decisions that you will need to make to manage your money most efficiently. And finally, don’t be afraid to ask questions from trusted sources if you do not understand something that you are reading about.

My parents are still married to this day and have had a lifetime together making financial decisions. Despite the fact that when they started out women were not seen as having the capability to manage money my mother, because of the busy nature of my father’s career, ultimately took over the family finances. Just a few years ago they decided to see a professional financial planner to see if they could improve upon what they had been doing with their money. The financial planner poured over their investments, expenditures, etc. and finally told them there was almost nothing he could do for them. My mother who could not get car loan back in the late 60’s and who also initially felt uncomfortable with her relationship with money had done such an excellent job with her and my father’s money there was very little to improve upon. She is a great example demonstrating that women and money? It’s an excellent mix, and really, there isn’t much to be afraid of.

This article was written in participation of Women’s Money Week. Check out all of the other wonderful writers that are exploring this topic.

This Leap Day I got together with several other bloggers for a Leap around the Blogosphere, an idea initiated by Jessica Cohen at Found the Marbles. This year we’re answering questions about ourselves so that you can get to know us better, and of course as a financial blogger I had to put my own spin on it.  If you want to play along, add your answers in the comments below or create a post with your answers and add it to the linky below.

1. My childhood nickname was “Spendthrift”. This perhaps is a testament to how tight my family is with their money, and why I tend to know more than the average person concerning how to save money. What’s really funny about this is that to me is that I still have that nickname despite the fact that I am a person who saves a minimum of 40% of her income, never buys anything unless it is at least 40% on sale, writes a Best Time to Buy column for The Centsible Life because that’s how I shop, and to this day organizes her grocery shopping around food sales. But compared to the rest of those frugalistas in my family I am the spendthrift…mostly because I have an affinity for going to the movies in the theater just so that I can get movie popcorn.

I go to the early show on weekdays because it’s the cheapest. And I have a refillable movie popcorn bucket and drink cup that costs me $6 to refill for both. Overall I spend $11 a trip, and therefore I am the spendthrift. But I’m not bitter.

2. If you want to spoil me rotten, buy me something normally crazy extravagant and expensive that you’ve gotten for less than anyone else. Nothing turns me on more than an elite frugal shopper who really knows how to use the powers of good bargain shopping.

photo credit: tinou bao

3. The television character I most identify with is Oprah. OK. She’s not a character, but she is the originator of the great give aways that are so popular in the blogosphere.  She gives away cars; I give away advice about how to save money so that eventually you can pay cash for your car. It’s almost exactly the same thing.

4. If I had a whole day to go shopping and money to spend, I would go to Ross Dress for Less and Marshalls. In my home town there’s a shopping center in which they are right next door to each other. I almost cried with joy when I saw it.

5. The most wild and crazy thing I have ever done (that I can admit to publicly) is paying full price for a dress when I was 21 because I was worried about coming off looking like a cheapskate in front of a boy I liked. Also, I didn’t want to bother him by making him go on a bargain hunt with me. Of course I married that boy, and now, 20 years later, he has no choice but to bargain hunt with me.

6. The one thing on my bucket list that I am most eager to do is  to take my kids on international trips.  As a child who lived overseas and understands the huge value in having international life experiences while you’re young, this saving goal has been on my list for as long as I’ve had children. I even have their passport forms already filled out and ready to turn in the minute we decide we have enough cash to do so.

7. My family will always be loyal to my family budget. I mean really, have they any other choice?

8. If I could spend a day with a celebrity I would choose Suze Orman. First I would give her a totally hard time for mocking financial bloggers everywhere. Then I would ask her some very pointed questions about her debit card, her former life in debt and how she got there (because that sometimes is more important than how you got out of debt), and how she thinks she became so freaking awesome to me despite the fact that she mocks financial bloggers.

9. In my opinion, the best invention in the history of the world is the take an additional 50% off coupon. Do I need to explain why again?

10. When life hands me lemons, I make not much of anything because I hate to cook. But I’m more than happy to sample your lemon bars. In fact I’m an excellent taste tester for any of you food bloggers popping over for Leap Blog Day needing taste testers. No really. Call me.

Content Farms: How Non-Social Media Professionals See Them

My husband said to me out of the blue the other day, “I hope your freelance posts have more substance that what I’ve been reading online lately.”

I asked him what he meant, and he said, “I go to a reputable site because they have an interesting title, and 2 paragraphs in the author is offering no real substance. They’re just shooting their mouth off giving their uneducated opinion about something. ”

What is a Content Farm?

After laughing at his “shooting their mouth off” comment, I decided to explain content farms and how they seem to be affecting social media and formerly formidable, reputable sites. A content farm is a site that hires freelance writers to use SEO friendly key words and scrape content designed to bring hits to the site. When they are trying to hire you as a freelance writer a clue is that they usually want an incredibly high amount of content (like 5 to 10 posts a day) for an incredibly low amount of money (like $50 a month or a $1 a post). A content farm doesn’t usually offer any real content, and their posts seem repetitive. Their sole purpose in life is to bring hits to their sites for advertising purposes.

Usually I have found it to be fairly easy to distinguish between content farm sites and sites that offer real substance. Unfortunately, content farms seem to be having a negative impact on the way sites are developing these days as advertisers are wanting hits from non-content farm sites to be similar to content farm site hits. As a reader who gets super excited when she discovers a website that she can learn from, it is really disappointing to find a site that formerly offered great content succumbing to the pressures of advertisers who only want to see high traffic flow. This is not to say that advertising is bad and paying attention to one’s traffic flow is bad. No. It’s actually pretty smart to do so. After all one of the reasons people write is to be read. To be read online you have to have people come to your site. And the techniques used to get people to come to your site to click on advertisements vs. to read your stuff are similar. What I would like to see, however, is more of a balanced approach to satisfy both the needs of the reader and the needs of the advertisers.

How Content Farms Are Negatively Affecting Content Searches

With that said, everyone who is writing on the web should know how to use social media and search engine optimization, SEO, to their advantage in order for their words to have more of an impact among the competitive world of websites. However, the problem that I’m seeing is that the emphasis of using SEO is taking priority over good writing. Because of this writing trend, the formerly known respectable sites that I mentioned earlier are starting to throw up crap content. This crap content is a problem because it is hurting the reputation of the site itself. And eventually average readers like my husband are going to stop going to the sites that are throwing up crap content disguised as real information.

Not only is the content farm style of writing hurting various websites reputations, but there are experts that are predicting that this style of writing is going to affect how people will search for information permanently. No longer will people use Google searches, but instead they will be looking for recommendations from their peers on places such as Facebook or Pinterest (probably explaining the huge popularity of both by non-social media professionals as of late). This shift may seem inconsequential for those in social media who are well versed in navigating various social media platforms, but for the average user who simply want to, for example, learn about people who eat crickets for dinner, this may become problematic in that information on the web will no longer be easily and readily accessible.

How to Avoid Content Farm Writing

So how do you avoid writing like a content farmer and still bring readers to your website? The key word to the process is balance. Use the techniques used to make your posts more SEO friendly such as incorporating highly searchable key words, follow trends by using tools such as Google Alerts, and listen to what your readers are asking for by studying your bounce rates, comments, etc. But most importantly listen to your gut considering what it is that you are wanting to write about. Ask yourself these questions.

• Is your article that you are writing interesting to you? Would you read it?
• Is your article offering something new or presenting the subject in a new and interesting way?
• Would your readers be interested and does your content inspire your readers to create a dialogue with you on your website or on other social media platforms?
• Is the topic you are writing about on trend or has it been spoken about 8 gazillion other ways by 8 gazillion other people? If it has, how are you making it different and how are you adding to the conversation?
• Is your Bounce Rate, a percentage that shows you how long your readers are staying on your site, way too high?

My husband after I was finished explaining to him about what a content farm was and its impact on formerly formidable, reputable sites was quiet for quite a while. I thought maybe I had broken his brain, but then he said, “You know. These major sites better get their heads on straight. Otherwise people are going to stop coming because they are so disinterested. And then how will they get paid?”  Or read.

Joan Jett, well-known for songs like “I Love Rock and Roll” and the band Joan Jett and the Blackhearts has a special place in my heart.  I was fascinated by her and all that she stood for when I as a young Oklahoma teen in the 80′s discovered the Runaways, an American all-girl rock band.  I liked everything that I imagined her to stand for, fierce independence, a powerful young female force to be reckoned with, wickedly, darkly, and beautifully edgy.  And if truth be told she was probably the main reason I went through an all black clothing phase and to this day still love a heavy guitar rift.

As I grew up parts of her influence have always remained deep inside.  I have a pension for metal chains, dark eye makeup, and if truth be told my hair for the past few years has been very Joan Jett shag like.  But I’m a grown woman now with children, and a husband, and responsibilities that limit my Joan Jettesqueness to an occasional rock and roll blaze busting out of me in the middle of my living room much to the embarrassment of my children. My dressed in all black rebellion days of the past are far behind me.

However, years ago my husband I had an opportunity to see Joan Jett in concert, an opportunity I had never had living with very strict parents in Oklahoma. My husband worked for a major travel company, and at least once a year we headed to Las Vegas together for his work and our enjoyment. One of the major perks in working within the travel industry is that occasionally you get things like free tickets to amazing shows in Las Vegas.  And while we were at one of our trips to Vegas my husband announced to me that he had scored tickets to see Joan Jett, tickets that I had asked him to purchase earlier that month. I was going to finally see Joan Jett live in all of her glory.

I was beyond excited, but when we got to the window the lady who was supposed to have tickets there waiting for us apparently did not do her job, the show was sold out, and I was denied seeing Joan Jett.  I was heart-broken, and really I never got over it.

Earlier this year as I was doing my training run on a trail that runs right by River Spirit Casino in Tulsa, Oklahoma I saw a giant sign that said, “Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Friday, November 18th.” I let out a yelp that about gave my running partner a heart attack.  After telling her about my love affair with Joan Jett and my denied concert experience, knowing that the 18th was the day before my anniversary, I just knew the Joan Jett concert gods were looking down upon me and that this upcoming concert would be my chance to see Joan Jett live in all of her darkly hypnotic ferociousness.  It would be fantastic.

I immediately called my husband and said, “For our anniversary (November 19th), Christmas, and my birthday (which follows in January) all I want is from you is to buy us tickets to see Joan Jett.”

His response? “OK.”

I reminded 2 more times in the following months to buy the tickets.  He always said, “I got it.”

So a few weeks ago he said to me, “My company’s holiday party is November 18th this year.  I know we had to spend our anniversary last year at the company party, and this year it is happening again, but I have not control over it.  Please add it to your calendar.”

I replied, “I would love to, but that’s the night of the Joan Jett concert.”

There was a huge pause, and I looked up from my computer and saw his face.

He had not bought the tickets.

And when I went to buy the tickets myself later that day?  They were sold out.

Sold.

Out.

Denied.

I was denied again.

DENIED!

Needless to say I was pretty irritated with my husband for this screw up of his. It happens a lot in married couples who have been married a long time; they become lazy. They forget to take the time to remember the one and only thing their spouses have asked for in years. They forget to take time to pay attention. They forget to take three minutes to order two tickets for one concert.

And in my anger I felt my inner Joan Jett emerging from the mist of my soccer mom trappings, busting at the seems, begging to be released and show the world her former glory as one of the “Queens of Noise.” And for a long time I thought about all of the options I could have if I would simply let her out to play.

I also thought about one more option.

It was the option to spend an exorbitant amount of money at the spa, come out feeling all mellow, and categorize this post under a pretty popular Twitter hashtag called #whitegirlproblems.

After all, there really is only one true Joan Jett.  And I am not her.

“Queen of Noise” by The Runaways with a young Joan Jett

Until this year my daughter was a straight A’d student, and her experience with Oklahoma schools was great.  I always attributed her success in school to her smarts and her self-discipline.  She’s one of those kids that comes home, does her homework, and asks you to check it all without any prompting what so ever from an influencing adult. It’s pretty amazing. I’m almost jealous of that natural ability that she has.

So needless to say her father and I this year, 4th grade, when we checked her grades on-line for the first time we were shocked to see that she was suddenly flunking all of her tests. Sure she was getting perfect scores on her daily work, but her test scores were shocking.  We contacted her teacher and her solution? “4th grade is a hard year. She needs to learn to study.”

I did not know how to respond to this as this teacher obviously did not know my child at all. So we set up a parent/teacher conference, and about 5 minutes in we got the “she needs to learn to study” comment again. That’s when I pulled out the tests we’d been collecting and showed that perhaps that it wasn’t that she needed to learn to study. Perhaps she was having reading difficulties as the questions she kept missing? They were styled exactly the same way. Then we got a “Maybe she has a processing disorder. I’ll watch her.”

A little while passed and nothing changed.  So knowing the way the school system works I knew that if I really wanted anything done I had to contact the school counselor.

Warning:  If you were unaware the school counselor acts in a similar way as the HR department in a corporation.  On the outside they present themselves as there to help your child.  But really helping children is their secondary function, and their main function is to protect the school.  It is important that if you ever have experiences with the school counselor you know this fact.

When I contacted the school counselor, I told her about the fact that my super, self-disciplined daughter who loves school went from being a straight A’d student to flunking all of her tests. After receiving my e-mail the school counselor then called my super shy daughter who won’t talk to strangers in to talk to her before talking to me first. She asked her if there was anything in the classroom that bothered her, and of course my daughter says, “No.” She doesn’t know this lady. Why is she suddenly going to open up to her? She’s not.

The counselor then talks to my daughter’s teacher, and the teacher tells her that there might be a processing disorder. It is finally at this point that the counselor contacts me a couple of days after my e-mail. I tell her about my concerns once again. She tells me about what she’s learned from my daughter and her teacher, and she says that they are going to make up a TASK group for my daughter.

A TASK group is a group that basically consists of the school counselor, the child’s teacher, and two random teachers.  They observe your child and look for ways to help your child improve in school.

After several months of observations, if my child has not improved the school moves to the testing stage to see if indeed my child has a processing disorder and needs an IEP. So basically my daughter’s school has figured out they can delay spending the money necessary to help my child through an IEP by putting forth a very, very long observation period. Meanwhile, they allow the child to flounder and get further and further behind. What a great solution that have developed to get past the fact that the Oklahoma government doesn’t give them enough money to function properly.

So the TASK group has been in place for a while now, and quite frankly I see no change what so ever in the way my daughter is being handled in the classroom. I have received zero communication from the school counselor. I have received minimal communication from the teacher, usually started by me. And at home she is studying 2-3 hours a night minimum just to keep up.

My daughter now cries on a regular basis calling herself “stupid,” and last night she told me that she doesn’t want to study any more, and she no longer cares if she passes her tests.

This “evaluation” process that her school as come up with to delay testing has broken her. And my once self-motivated, self-disciplined child?  She’s gone, at least as far as school is concerned.

When talking to my husband last night about this situation he succinctly summed up the problem.

• My daughter was a self-confident, straight A’d student who loved school.
• My daughter is now flunking her tests,  does not care about school, and calls herself “stupid.”
• We at home have done everything we know to do to help her.
• Half of the school year is over.
• We have not seen any change in the classroom since the school got involved.
• We are on the verge of permanent damage when it comes to school and her attitude about it.
• Her Oklahoma school needs to become active now in helping my child, not months from now.

So last night I sent another e-mail requesting an update from the counselor and her teacher.  I offered the “I’m so stupid” comments up as a desperate plea hoping to tear at their heart-strings  so that something would actually happen.  Furthermore, I offered up my own plan for my daughter in the classroom as I feel like they are taking entirely too long to come up with something for my daughter themselves. Hopefully they’ll hear me, will care, and will take some action.

In the mean while I’m researching and talking to experts outside of Oklahoma trying to figure out what to do for my child. Call me cynical. But I just don’t trust that Oklahoma has my child’s best interest at heart.

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Update November 15, 2011:  I talked to my daughter’s teacher the day that this posted.  I ran into her at school as I was there to pick her up early for a doctor’s appointment.  She was upset to hear about my daughter crying in the evenings, and verbally went over her science test with her verbally.  She passed.  She also offered to help to tutor her daily,  so that she wouldn’t have to spend so much time at home studying.  I was grateful to have this exchange with her, and was pleased to see that she was concerned.  

I have yet to hear from the school counselor.